We need to talk, residents of Emerald Highland Suburban Complex. I would first like to emphasize that I’m not angry, but disappointed. I'm disappointed in a society that you have been a part of that has failed to teach you the common logic behind the knowledge that I am about to present, the same logic that you have shown to me time and time again that you lack. This logic I speak of may also be referred to as humanity.
Bluff Road divides the two halves of our neighborhood. Bluff becomes rather busy when those who commute downtown return home from work in the evening, so crossing from one half of the neighborhood to the other at times proves difficult. Therefore, crossing this gap already requires a substantial threshold for patience. Patience and humanity are required virtues for both driving and life. One of the more important objects of life, before self-fulfillment and prosperity and love, is to not die before it is appropriate. Cars drive on roads to go places. These are words that you read from left to right. You may find my priming you with this knowledge insulting, but after this recent incident, I have learned that it would be presumptuous of me to assume that you know anything. Although, perhaps it may simply be humanity that you do not understand. If this is the case and you are aware that cars drive on roads, simply disregard this paragraph.
Earlier today, while driving home, I came to a halt at a stop sign, waiting for the path to clear so that I may move straight, crossing Bluff so that I may enter the half of the neighborhood where I live. There are two unmarked lanes, so I waited in the left lane with my turn signal off. Later, a lady pulled up in the right lane, just as the traffic cleared, and we both accelerated forward into the entrance of the neighborhood, where a man was waiting to turn right. Surely you must see the dilemma, but if you don’t, I’ll reveal to you now that it is a problem for three cars to be in the entrance of the neighborhood, which are two wide lanes at best. I sped ahead and none were injured.
By choosing the right lane, she restricts access to those wanting to turn right. In order to move straight, the car must also have the ability to turn left. I am restricting no one by waiting in the left lane. In fact, the left lane is lined up directly straight with the other side of the neighborhood! I could understand if there was a stoplight with the usual “turn right or stay straight” lane, but this clearly is not the proper scenario for that. The reason those lanes exist is because if one were to travel straight in the left turn lane, they would be travelling into oncoming traffic, which, at the moment, I would not have put past this woman.
This is why I think that this woman is not only fundamentally wrong, but also a bad person. So she chose to go straight in the wrong lane. “Big deal,” you say sarcastically, “she just didn’t think about it.” “Yes,” I agree earnestly, but deliver sarcastically. Let’s say she did make an honest mistake (one that any of us could have made), realized it, and decided to cross the road anyway. She is selfish because she felt entitled to stand in front of line, entitled to her false assumption that what she was doing was right. God hates people like her. This is assuming what I do not know, so let’s not go there. She just didn’t think about it. By not thinking about it, she endangers those who are doing what is right, her own well being, and those who have nothing to do with the decision. As a driver, you don’t have the right to not think about it, just as you don’t have the right to drive drunk or (hopefully soon in Indiana) text. There are no honest mistakes with the sin of rudimentary selfishness. Case rested.