Sunday, April 19, 2009

Plans

I have recently decided to make a full length movie and I am announcing it here.

If all goes well it will be released in about a year and sold with the literary magazine.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Good Thing

I've learned to accept that there are some parts of my life that will go away.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Oh, Shit.

EDIT: Yesterday I went to the doctor and they said I needed my appendix removed so I did. I blame Sophie and the shit bath for this.



This is the most disgusting thing happened to me in my life.
Stop reading now.

I came home from school and took my dog out to go to the bathroom. Her name is Sophie and she's a mix between a bichon and a poodle. She runs to me and is jumping against my leg, wanting to go out. Ok, so I take her out on a leash and she runs past her normal spot telling me that she wants to go to her favorite pooping spot. "Ok, whatever," I think. I then realize that her butt is covered in poop. Ok, she'll just get the rest off and wipe it in the grass. I was standing there for five minutes in the wind while she tried to poop. I got agitated so I picked her up, poop away from face, and carried her home. There were some neighborhood walkers who I passed and said hello to Sophie and myself with a laugh. I said pathetically, "I am doing this all wrong." Ok. Ok. Ok.

I get her in the bath to wash the poop off of her. It's proving to be difficult. I needed to get her dog wash, so I tell her to stay in my tub and close the door. This is all good and well, but I didn't close the door. I come back to my bathroom with the dog wash and it's like a scene from a Disney movie. I see a wet paw print on my bath mat next to a little pile of shit. There are little pieces of shit all around my bathroom with my dog nowhere to be found. I am furious, and begin running around the house yelling for my dog. I run around for a while, and then head back downstairs to my room and I see Sophie standing at the bottom of the stairs smiling at me. I have never wanted to harm an animal in my life until this point. I take her and wash her up, except I notice I have shit on my clothes. I strip down, get beside the tub and scrub her down.

Then I remember, "Damn it! There's little pieces of shit all around my house!" I then went around the house, not caring to get a towel, and pick up the shit. I remembered to close the door, but Sophie had fun spreading shit water all over my bathroom, nonetheless. She's smiling this whole time. All I feel is hate.

So I opt to get in the tub filled with shit water because I've had enough of it. I got a lot of shit on my fingers, but I realized I was at a point where shit had no effect on me. I wondered if this was how it is with war and violence. Like, it's the part of the movie where the lone soldier is in the jungle and is, like, "Fuck it. I'm going out," and then smears blood on his face and kills some Vietnamese.

That's what happened with me, except with shit.

So I dried her off, let her go, cleaned my bathroom, and then underwent a 40 minute shower.

I will never wash away the shame.

On repeat:



Saturday, April 4, 2009

Here's to Earth

More so in my generation, I feel like general public, everybody, we're so prone to ignore how much things are really evolving. Really evolving. Chchanging for the better. Music has become a plethora of poetic knowledge and boundless creative discovery, but yet we listen to Lil' Wayne, not to mention the same four songs on radio over and over again. There are concepts of cars that won't destroy the Earth, but the lead story on the AP right now is "Countdown! Top 5 Other Things Madonna Should Adopt". I'm having a hard time loving a world I have nothing in common with; and I am certainly not quoting Watchmen.

Let's build a home.

Friday, April 3, 2009

What? No way!

Hah, here's a thought...

What if God loved gay people just like anybody else?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Some Sparse Thoughts

I'm in a collage of hipsters and douchebags. I'm at a college.

When driving up here, there was this woman in the left lane with a loose hubcap. Like, it was really loose. I was worried that this would slip off and crash through my windshield like a sharp metal star thing in Ninja Gaiden and slice my neck.

This is how my life is probably going to end.

So in the event of my death, I would be slightly disappointed in my lack of accomplishments. Ideas started flowing. I'll give you two.


First idea:
What if there was a public service announcement with an NFL player saying, "I will not become another statistic for gun violence." You know, the target market being NFL players.

Second idea:
Damn it, I spent too much time talking about that stupid hubcap. It was good. Believe me. Really great. I don't remember... CSI, but in New York? A blanket that you can wear? Just trust me.

Now go home.

"Well Henry, the brain is the sexiest part of the body."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fools' Day

So a couple weeks ago in my school paper we ran an April Fools' page on the front. I wrote everything on the page, but several things were cut or majorly edited. The first story below was edited to not be such a harsh criticism of the school, which was probably a smart move, and the second didn't run. Enjoy.

Dress code in effect for next year

By Sundance Smith

The school board voted last Monday for the addition of a stricter dress code for the 2009-2010 school year. Students are now required to wear solid colored polo shirts, khaki pants, leather belts, white socks and black dress shoes.
The decision was made as a response to staggering low ISTEP scores and slipping attendance rates. Boys’ dean Mr. Brian Knight said, “I’m not sure how it will help, but we might as well do something!”
The school will also be welcoming bright new initiatives in attempt to strengthen the classroom. All English classes will be taught by the newly implicated PLAYO computer program. With PLAYO, students answer a variety of questions which test their level of knowledge on a subject. Regardless of correct answers, the PLAYO program awards school credits to those who suffer through the program. English teacher Mr. Neil Linville says, “I think it’s just a clever way that we teachers are able to not teach our students.”
In addition to robot teachers, the school will lock students up to a ball and chain to their desks. Upon release of the class, the teachers will free students of the padlocks. Headmistress Mrs. Joan Ellis says, “We see the ball and chain approach not as a constraint to students, but rather as a means of flowing blood to the students’ minds.” To compensate for these new changes, the school has agreed to transform the cafeteria area into a ball pit and replace the main stairwell with a water slide.
Ellis assures us that although the future of the school looks grim… well… the future of the school looks grim.


Students upset over no hour delay

By Shaun Shuyler

Senior Chris Bova is mad, and he isn’t afraid to tell the world about it. Bova is upset that that school officials failed to call a two hour delay yesterday, and he’s going to speak out about it.
Bova published a startling declaration in his Facebook status bar late last night. The status read, “Chris Bova is soooo mad we didn’t have a two delay!!!!!11”
Bova’s inspirational leadership caused others to follow in his bold footsteps by changing their statuses as well. Junior Sam Clark’s Facebook status soon read, “Sam Clark refuses to go to school on time under these conditions!” Senior Brent Clements said, “Brent Clements is vastly disappointed in the school’s decision in the matter of delaying the upcoming school day.”
A total of 32 Falcons filed complaints in the form of Facebook status. Bova posted a petition group on Facebook earlier today. The group currently contains 500 Falcons. All of the students were recorded as present at school Monday.
Bova says he decided to take such a staunch position because, “I just wanted to get mad at something.”
Incidentally forecasters predict that weather conditions will continue to be mild throughout the week with lows in the mid 30’s and highs around 50.